First up. Let’s see what a Dominant is NOT.
A Dominant does NOT just dominate out of a selfish need.
A Dominant does NOT hurt, abuse, and destroy the basic rights of his submissive.
A Dominant does NOT expect you to submit without getting to know you, or simply expect you to submit simply because he is a ‘dominant’ and you are submissive.
A Dominant does NOT use BDSM and being a dominant as a pickup tool to score wanking sessions with chicks online.
So, what exactly is a Dominant? It varies from person to person, but those in the community (legitimately) will stand firm on the above-mentioned points on what a Dominant is not. What I will discuss here is how I see a good Dominant (Dom).
With being a Dom comes a heck of a lot of responsibility. You will be responsible for another’s life. Some thrive on this ‘pressure’ and hence one of the many reasons why they become a Dom in the first place. The added pressure of making sure you don’t cross any boundaries is also intense. Submissive’s out there are looking for this perfect Dominant… one who will just know what they want, but unless you’re a mind reader, this is an impossible task.
Which brings me onto my next point. Being a Dominant takes good communication. If you don’t communicate properly, then don’t expect to be a good Dominant. You need to be able to communicate not only your submissive’s needs but your own. You need to communicate boundaries and expectations. You need to talk about a scene in an aftercare scene.
With that communication also comes the ability to be in touch with your emotions, or at the very least, an understanding of them. I don’t mean you need to be a meditation guru and connecting with Mother-earth or anything like that. By being in touch with your emotions, I mean know and understand how you react to things, and work on a way to directing them correctly. Everyone gets angry, frustrated etc… but a good Dominant knows how to reel that in and not unleash that on anyone. They know how to channel those emotions into something more constructive and not take it out on their submissive.
That brings me to control. A good Dominant will be in control. They know how to control situations, emotions, themselves… and their submissive’s. That is the core of who they are. They are a vortex of control.
I also believe a good Dominant is caring and nurturing. Think ‘Firm but fair’. My favourite saying is they know how to be ‘cruel to be kind’. Everything they do is with you in mind (as the submissive). While outwardly, those not in the know would see that a Dominant is a nasty, controlling, vindictive, arsehole; abusing the trust and safety of their submissive. This is certainly not the case. They are very caring beings. True Dominants are at least. Even the strictest hardest Dominant I’ve encountered; you could see the reasoning behind his ‘Bastardness’. He did it for my greatest good, and that was always very clear. He didn’t change me; he brought the real me out of myself. That was the difference.
I’m interested in knowing what ya'll think a good Dominant possesses. Hit the comments below. 👇
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